Another day, another dose of existential dread… 😵‍💫

Once again, my social energy is at rock bottom, and the idea of talking to anyone feels like an extreme sport. 🏋️‍♂️ I just want to focus on myself, think about myself, and quite frankly, I don’t care if that makes me selfish. 🤷‍♀️

I have personal goals, I have things I want to achieve—getting healthier 🏃‍♂️, looking better 💅, reading more books 📚, learning more 🧠, experiencing things that actually excite me 🌍. Is that really too much to ask? Of course not!

So, this morning, I decided to wake up and listen to Freud’s life and theories on YouTube. 🎧 And let me tell you, a realization hit me like a brick 🧱—we live our lives full of second-hand information.

Freud?

Oh yeah, of course, I know Freud! 🙄

Except, what I know is just enough to sound intelligent when casually dropping his name in a conversation about psychology. 🗣️ The man was one of the most unconventional thinkers of his time, but we still manage to reduce him to a shallow buzzword. But isn’t that just how everything works nowadays? 🤔

Relationships, the way we live, the way we talk to ourselves... Genuine honesty and sincerity seem like things to be hidden away, like some kind of forbidden concepts. 🚫

And then we get to the greatest achievement of the 21st century:The art of being politically correct. 🎭

Translation? "Adapt to the situation, act according to your best interests, and put on your best fake self to blend in with society." And if you fail at that, well… tough luck, because the system will chew you up and spit you out. 😶‍🌫️ Have you noticed how we don’t say what we feel anymore? 😶Not with our friends, not with our partners, not with our families, and definitely not at work. 

Being straightforward and honest is basically illegal at this point. ⚖️ Because let’s be real, no one actually wants real relationships. We just want the illusion of them. 🎭 The whole "let's escape from reality because reality is too much effort" thing is a lifestyle choice at this point.

Yeah, I know, this was a bit of a heavy start. But what can I say? This is what’s on my mind. 🤷‍♂️ Honestly, we should just bin all those psychology books 📖🗑️ and self-help videos and start with the basics: actually, being honest with ourselves.

Being able to say what you really want…Now that is an achievement. 🏆 But how many of us can actually do that? And at what age? 40? 45? 50? Or do we just go through life never saying what we truly want and then die with a long list of regrets? 😵‍💫

Anyway, before I turn this into a full-on philosophy lecture, let me just say:

👉 If there’s one thing worth being brave about in this ridiculously short life, it’s being honest with yourself. 💡 Understanding what you want and going after it—now that should be on the bucket list. ✅

I’ve been living in the UK for over 15 years now, and I really like the vibe here. 🇬🇧 Especially being able to sit among people, read, write, or just work in peace. ☕📖

And libraries… oh, don’t even get me started. They’re my absolute favourite. 🤍📚 Old people, young people, all gathered in one place—some studying, some reading, some just chilling in the library café with their lattes.

Imagine a world where elderly ladies choose a library café over Starbucks to socialise. ☕👵 It’s so normal here, and seeing it honestly makes life feel so much more balanced and enjoyable. It gives me this little reminder that life can be lived properly, without all the chaos. And I love that. ✨

Speaking of which, I’m now on Day 11 of my self-imposed isolation phase. 🚪🔒You know, the famous “21-day rule” where you supposedly need 21 days to build a habit.

The real question is:

❓ Will I actually turn this whole “staying in, talking to myself like a lunatic” thing into a permanent lifestyle?

❓ Should I be worried?

❓ What if I start liking this isolation too much and never reintegrate into society?

Not that I was ever fully integrated to begin with, but still… 😅

What if I embrace my inner hermit 🏕️ and genuinely start enjoying solitude?

Am I creating unnecessary anxiety for myself right now?

Possibly. 🫠

But the best part? I’ve fully accepted the fact that I now have full-blown conversations with myself. 😆 Honestly, everything happens inside my head now—no external input required.

I have a remarkable ability to create tiny stress attacks 😨 but also to find ridiculous joy in tiny things. 🥳 So… I guess I’m balancing it all out? ⚖️

And that brings me to today’s big revelation after 11 days of this madness:✨ "Everything is inside us, hidden in our own minds." ✨

Whoever came up with that, I salute you. 👏 I’ve personally tested it, and yep—confirmed, it’s true.

And the best part? I’ve finally freed myself from the toxic wasteland that is social media and YouTube’s “look how perfect my life is” brigade. 🚮 Instead, I’ve been binge-watching absolutely stupid but hilarious videos. 🎥😂

Are they sophisticated? Absolutely not. But when I can’t sleep at 2 a.m., laughing at some ridiculous nonsense feels oddly therapeutic. 💆‍♀️ My YouTube algorithm is officially ruined, but hey, small price to pay.

This is all part of my personal growth journey, obviously. 🧘‍♀️

I’m even trying new things. Like, instead of rolling from one side of the bed to the other, I’ve entered a weight loss challenge. 🏃‍♀️💪How long will this last?  No clue.

Life is full of uncertainties. And yes, I can already hear you saying, “Well, maybe you should decide what you want.”

And sure, I could.

But maybe, just maybe… I don’t want to right now. I have no interest in being overly ambitious at the moment—I’m just going with the flow. 🌊🕺🏼

Yep, that thing people say all the time: Living in the moment. ⏳

Ring a bell? Of course, it does! 🔔

Except, let’s be honest—who manages to “live in the moment”?😏 🧐

Because all I ever do is get flashbacks of everything, I wanted to do but didn’t, every mistake I’ve ever made, everything I should have said but didn’t.

So yeah… this whole “being present” thing? Not for me.😒 Honestly, I think it’s just another modern myth—like manifesting. 💫 Who’s actually doing it? Anyone? Has anyone seen someone successfully “manifest” things? No? Thought so.

Just another way for people to feel better about themselves.

Anyway, I think that’s enough deep thoughts for one day.

Once again, I’m wrapping up this blog with all my existential dread 😵‍💫 and the classic:“Well, this is life, isn’t it?” 🤷‍♂️

Let’s see what kind of identity crisis I bring to the next one. 😏

And if you happen to be one of the rare people reading this, don’t be shy—drop a comment. 💬

Maybe sharing our collective existential dread will help…Or not.

Who knows? 🤷‍♀️

But hey, worth a shot. 😉

See you next time!🍒